For the past few years, I’ve made a complete Thanksgiving dinner at our house before we celebrate with extended family. It’s the one time each year we get out the china, silver and Waterford crystal and eat by candlelight in the dining room. It takes all day to prepare the turkey, dressing, side dishes and pumpkin pie and it’s always been one of my favorite times of the holiday season.
This year was different. My work schedule didn’t allow the time to make the dinner, but we were not willing to give up the special family evening. So instead of making turkey and dressing, I made a reservation at one of our favorite east Memphis spots, The Grove Grill. They have this cozy private dining room that was perfect for the six of us: Jim and me, our girls and their long-time boyfriends.
Part of our tradition at the table is a time of sharing the things we’re thankful for, but this year the cliche, “I’m thankful for my family and friends” answers wouldn’t do. So as our appetizers were served, I gave notice: no generic answers this year. Instead we would express to each person, individually, the things we’re thankful for about them.
I thought the younger folks would roll their eyes at my corny suggestion; instead, everyone shared heartfelt and meaningful sentiments, laced with laughter and a few tears. Things we probably wouldn’t have said to one another without the prompting of corny old Mom.
Sometimes we don’t share those thoughts as readily as we should; we take for granted the ones we should treasure and appreciate the most.
Here’s a challenge for this holiday season: sit around a table with those you love. No TV, no cell phones, no distractions, just eye contact. Say the unsaid, share the thoughts that have remained unexpressed for the sake of pride or the fear of awkwardness. Above all gifts, let the warmth of love light your holiday season.
My Christmas tree doesn’t look like much anymore. In fact. there are no gifts under the tree at all. There isn’t even a tree skirt; the dogs just keep playing with it and doing their business on it, so what’s the use?
These days, the girls’ Christmas lists just include money and gift cards so they can shop for themselves. I don’t fight mall traffic or stand in line for Beanie Babies, Tickle Me Elmo or Furby. There are no packages hidden under drop cloths in the garage. I haven’t wrapped one single gift this year. No reason to charge the video camera to record the excited faces on Christmas morning.
Sound kinda depressing?
Not at all. I’ve traded frenzied shopping, lists and lines for time. More time with loved ones, especially my girls, whose time with us slips away too quickly. More time to relax and enjoy the season, to pause and reflect on why we celebrate Christmas.
Yesterday I did nearly half of my shopping in about 15 minutes’ time. That must be some sort of record, right? There are a couple of gifts to buy, but I won’t be stressed, hurried or frazzled. I’ll enjoy the cool weather, the decorations and the Christmas carols on the radio.
I’ve learned to embrace the changes that come with each new season of life, even as I look back misty-eyed on years past. It’s not like that anymore, but it is like this. And this is amazing.
How have your holiday celebrations changed through the years?
I am unabashedly corny at Christmas. I like baking Christmas cookies and cutting them into shapes before decorating them with way too much red and green icing. I enjoy the old traditional Christmas carols and know almost every stanza of each one.
My favorite ornaments are the ones my daughters have made, the ones that have been given to us as gifts, and the ones that have been in my family forever (which means they are not in the best shape). My tree doesn’t have a color scheme or a theme, just a jumble of ornaments and, at the top, the angel that my parents gave us when we got married.
Last night we went to the candlelight and carol service at the church I grew up in. I still love hearing O Holy Night, and I still get a lump in my throat when I sing Silent Night in a darkened, candlelit sanctuary.I’m writing this on Christmas Eve at my Mom’s house, where my family and I are about to enjoy our traditional feast of peel & eat shrimp, various cheese balls and appetizers and a nice glass of wine.
• the spying I used to do so that I could surprise my loved ones with exactly what they wanted without having to ask them • the Excel spreadsheet I would make with thoughtful gift ideas and budget estimates • coming home and showing off — or trying to hide — the things I bought • the gift wrapping marathon in front of the TV • the craziness of the mall (even that!)
But I think I miss most the time I took to actually slow down and think about the people on my list — about what’s important to them, what kinds of new hobbies or interests they may have. I miss knowing that others have spent time thinking about me.
I cannot think of one gift I’ve received that I have really hated — because each one represents the time someone spent thinking about me and what I might like — even if a few may have missed the mark.
I could still make the list, do the shopping and wrapping and then I’d feel better about Christmas gift giving. But that’s about me — and the spirit of giving is about the other person, isn’t it?
So I guess now its time to order those Amazon gift certifcates, get the Target and iTunes cards and hit the ATM.
