It’s All In the Letting Go
March 30, 2012

sisters

A very long time ago, when I had a tiny baby, someone told me that successful parenting is a series of letting go moments. I didn’t believe it then. But now that I’ve lived it, I know it’s true.

I remember holding her, rocking her, inhaling the baby smells, feeling her little head nestling on my shoulder and thinking there was no way I was ever letting go.

Then one day I held her in my lap and felt her pull away, lean forward and try to sit up on her own. I let go and she sat up.

A few months later, I let her pull up on the coffee table and stand, sort of, on her own two feet.

Then she took a step, by herself, without my hand in hers.

After that, she learned to use the potty and sleep in a big-girl bed. She wanted to dress herself and she chose some interesting combinations of clothing. We took her to church in an outfit that didn’t match and we didn’t (much) care what anyone thought.

It seemed only moments later when I drove her to preschool, stopped the car and watched as she hopped out the door to go fingerpaint, run on the playground and listen to someone else read to her.

Soon she began Kindergarten — all day long. She learned to read and to write her name. And while she still wanted me to read to her occasionally, most of the time she wanted to read to her baby dolls and stuffed animals.

When it was time for the middle school dance, I couldn’t believe I was letting her go. To a dance? With a boy? But I helped her choose the perfect dress, watched her curl her hair and put on just a little blush, lip gloss, the tiniest bit of mascara and shoes with heels that were way too high. And she was beautiful.

Her freshman year, it was her first high school dance. She wore a long red dress and she looked way too grown up. But I let her go and after the dance, in the wee hours of the morning, she told me about her first kiss.

We taught her to drive cautiously and to concentrate on the road, knowing full well that when driver’s permit became license, away from our watchful eyes she would turn up the music and drive too fast and ride with boys. We were scared to death, but we watched her drive away.

All too soon we packed the car with her belongings and moved her into a tiny dorm room to live with another girl she barely knew. We helped her arrange her room, find a place for the mini-fridge and then I hugged her, afraid to let go, because I knew I was letting go for real this time.

A year or so later, we moved her into her first apartment. We bought a couch, a TV, a bed, gave her hand-me-downs from the attic, helped her hang pictures and cautioned her to always lock the door. Somewhere else became her home; now she comes to visit. When it’s time to go, she says, “I have to go home.

One day, she’ll hold onto Jim’s arm as he escorts her down the aisle. She’ll let go and take the hand of a young man who loves her enough to never let go. Then someday she’ll become a mother and she’ll read this post and understand.

And that’s parenthood. It’s okay to let go. All of the growth is in the letting go.

4 Comments

  1. Julie Sanderlin

    I wasn’t going to cry today . . . really, I wasn’t. But I did. That was a beautiful post. I feel so blessed to know both you and your soon-to-be twenty year old and to have witnessed some of the letting go. She’s grown into an amazing young woman, and she has an amazing mom (and dad). Love you guys.

    Reply
    • beth g sanders

      Thanks, Julie! Love y’all too! I’m getting much better at the letting go. It’s taken a lot of practice! As you know, it’s not an easy process!

      Reply
  2. Emily J.

    So, so beautiful! I sort of, kind of, a tiny bit understand this as the mother of a 2 1/2 year old daughter and sweet baby boy, but I know there’s so much more to come.

    Reply
    • beth g sanders

      Thanks, Emily! It’s been a crazy ride. The up side is that it’s so much fun to have adult children to hang with. You’ve got some fun years ahead!

      Reply

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